Our New Addition

So after a week of dog sitting for my dad the boys and myself fell in love with the dog and when we had to give her back we all were crushed. That started a search for a dog of our own. I know that we said that we would never have a dog again and I believe that the whole puppy experiance cause too much stress on our family so I was looking for an older dog that had been rescued and was already housebroken. I found Lilly on line and knew she would be a perfect fit. We arranged to meet her and we just couldn't help but take her home with us. The boys just love her and she is great with them. She was just drawn to me and felt right at home with us. We have a few things to work on with her, but I do believe that she came from an abusive home so she is a little scared, but as time passes I pray she get more comfortable. We are very happy that we got Lilly and I am so glad to have someone to cuddle with while Chris is working.

Gavin's 2nd Birthday

So I have to say that Gavin and I had such a wonderful birthday! I am so tried with everything that we have done the past couple of days, but it was so worth it. Gavin had his party yesterday and it was so much fun at Joe's Crab Shack with his Finding Nemo party theme. The cake that I made turned out awesome! Then today I took Gavin to Downtown Disney to pick out the toy of his choice. He would not let go of Wall e and Eve so I got him both it is his birthday after all. I really think that he had fun having time with just me. I know that I really enjoyed spending that time with my big boy. I can't believe that he is 2 already! It has gone by so fast! Next thing I know he will be a teenager. Scary! I hope that you all enjoy our photos from the party and for those that couldn't make it we missed you and were thinking of you!

The Worst Virus

Gavin, Logan and I all got this nasty virus this last weekend and it really through a wrench in everything. I have been doing tons of laundry and Gavin has regressed from potty training. He was completly trained and now I feel like we have to start all over. That bums me out and Chris is gone all week which doesn't help. Chris and I have been talking about the idea of having a third child, but I feel like I have enough pressure. I know my limit and I truly believe that two is it! I am learning more and more how much Gavin is just like me and that cause a lot of conflict between us. He is my little perfectionist, but it seems that he never wants to do what I want. Logan is doing great and is moving around a lot now. He is always happy and just loves his brother so much. It is so much fun to see them laugh at eachother.

How I am feeling now!

After posting what I did last I felt so relieved to get that out. I am very confident now that I am doing great. It is really hard to feel that way when you are surrounded by babies pulling at you all day. I believe strongly that I need to take more breaks for myself, but that too seems to be difficult to break free when all I have done for two years it taking care of my babies needs above my oun. When I look back at all that I have accomplished with our boys I do  feel that I have it all under control and I have to because I have to be mom, dad, and maid. What a load! Chris being away most of the time does make it hard on everyone, but we are so proud of the work he is doing. It seems worth the sacrafice. I know that God will provide for us and keep us close. We have been blessed with two beautiful boys and that fills my heart with so much joy. Thanks to all that uplifted me since my last post. 

Honestly

I am putting it all out there just to get it all off my chest maybe then I can let go. I struggle a lot with the children. It is difficult to not have a break. I feel like I am the worst mother. I so badly want to do better and am working my hardest to be what they need. I am still trying to figure out how to keep Christopher a live in our house while he is away. With Gavin being such an intense child I find the life being sucked right out of me. I am trying to think of ways to handle my emotions as well as Gavin's many emotional outburst.  Play dates quickly turn to melt downs and fun is hard to be had. I am at a loss really. I am hoping that once Logan is old enough to move around that things will become easier for all of us. I am so tired and overwhelmed that I find it hard to hear my own inner thoughts. I have lost a lot of myself and I need to slowly regain control of who I am  and not what motherhood has made me. Please understand that our children come first and that they mean the world to me. I guess when I used to think of mother hood I never realized all the joy that I would feel, but also how much pain I will experiance along the way. I have my bad days just like everyone else, but I just talk it more personally. Like I did something wrong to cause it. God is directing my path and I know that he is making me a better mother everyday. I think that I tend to feel this way when it gets close to Chris coming home. I miss my love so much and desire to see his face. He always brings a smile to my face and peace to my heart. 

Potty Update

Gavin is doing better than I expected. I find it really hard to handle it while we are out and about, but for being 23 months he is doing great. I decided to chart  the times he is drinking and when he goes pee pee to see if I can find a pattern. I am determined to figure this out. I can't be more proud of our son. I am waiting for the day when he tells me he has to pee. That will be the moment when I know we have made it!

Potty Training

So Gavin is on day 5 of potty training. He is doing so well I am so proud of him. He is staying dry all night and through his naps. He does have a lot of accidents, but for not even being 2 he is doing very well. Two days ago he actually went pee on the potty 6 times. He has also pooped on his potty at Oma's house. I know that a lot of you would really rather not know all this information, but I am so excited for him. Good Job Gavin!!!