Honestly

I am putting it all out there just to get it all off my chest maybe then I can let go. I struggle a lot with the children. It is difficult to not have a break. I feel like I am the worst mother. I so badly want to do better and am working my hardest to be what they need. I am still trying to figure out how to keep Christopher a live in our house while he is away. With Gavin being such an intense child I find the life being sucked right out of me. I am trying to think of ways to handle my emotions as well as Gavin's many emotional outburst.  Play dates quickly turn to melt downs and fun is hard to be had. I am at a loss really. I am hoping that once Logan is old enough to move around that things will become easier for all of us. I am so tired and overwhelmed that I find it hard to hear my own inner thoughts. I have lost a lot of myself and I need to slowly regain control of who I am  and not what motherhood has made me. Please understand that our children come first and that they mean the world to me. I guess when I used to think of mother hood I never realized all the joy that I would feel, but also how much pain I will experiance along the way. I have my bad days just like everyone else, but I just talk it more personally. Like I did something wrong to cause it. God is directing my path and I know that he is making me a better mother everyday. I think that I tend to feel this way when it gets close to Chris coming home. I miss my love so much and desire to see his face. He always brings a smile to my face and peace to my heart. 

Potty Update

Gavin is doing better than I expected. I find it really hard to handle it while we are out and about, but for being 23 months he is doing great. I decided to chart  the times he is drinking and when he goes pee pee to see if I can find a pattern. I am determined to figure this out. I can't be more proud of our son. I am waiting for the day when he tells me he has to pee. That will be the moment when I know we have made it!

Potty Training

So Gavin is on day 5 of potty training. He is doing so well I am so proud of him. He is staying dry all night and through his naps. He does have a lot of accidents, but for not even being 2 he is doing very well. Two days ago he actually went pee on the potty 6 times. He has also pooped on his potty at Oma's house. I know that a lot of you would really rather not know all this information, but I am so excited for him. Good Job Gavin!!!