How I am feeling now!

After posting what I did last I felt so relieved to get that out. I am very confident now that I am doing great. It is really hard to feel that way when you are surrounded by babies pulling at you all day. I believe strongly that I need to take more breaks for myself, but that too seems to be difficult to break free when all I have done for two years it taking care of my babies needs above my oun. When I look back at all that I have accomplished with our boys I do  feel that I have it all under control and I have to because I have to be mom, dad, and maid. What a load! Chris being away most of the time does make it hard on everyone, but we are so proud of the work he is doing. It seems worth the sacrafice. I know that God will provide for us and keep us close. We have been blessed with two beautiful boys and that fills my heart with so much joy. Thanks to all that uplifted me since my last post. 

Honestly

I am putting it all out there just to get it all off my chest maybe then I can let go. I struggle a lot with the children. It is difficult to not have a break. I feel like I am the worst mother. I so badly want to do better and am working my hardest to be what they need. I am still trying to figure out how to keep Christopher a live in our house while he is away. With Gavin being such an intense child I find the life being sucked right out of me. I am trying to think of ways to handle my emotions as well as Gavin's many emotional outburst.  Play dates quickly turn to melt downs and fun is hard to be had. I am at a loss really. I am hoping that once Logan is old enough to move around that things will become easier for all of us. I am so tired and overwhelmed that I find it hard to hear my own inner thoughts. I have lost a lot of myself and I need to slowly regain control of who I am  and not what motherhood has made me. Please understand that our children come first and that they mean the world to me. I guess when I used to think of mother hood I never realized all the joy that I would feel, but also how much pain I will experiance along the way. I have my bad days just like everyone else, but I just talk it more personally. Like I did something wrong to cause it. God is directing my path and I know that he is making me a better mother everyday. I think that I tend to feel this way when it gets close to Chris coming home. I miss my love so much and desire to see his face. He always brings a smile to my face and peace to my heart. 

Potty Update

Gavin is doing better than I expected. I find it really hard to handle it while we are out and about, but for being 23 months he is doing great. I decided to chart  the times he is drinking and when he goes pee pee to see if I can find a pattern. I am determined to figure this out. I can't be more proud of our son. I am waiting for the day when he tells me he has to pee. That will be the moment when I know we have made it!

Potty Training

So Gavin is on day 5 of potty training. He is doing so well I am so proud of him. He is staying dry all night and through his naps. He does have a lot of accidents, but for not even being 2 he is doing very well. Two days ago he actually went pee on the potty 6 times. He has also pooped on his potty at Oma's house. I know that a lot of you would really rather not know all this information, but I am so excited for him. Good Job Gavin!!!

What a great Christmas

I am so sad that Christmas came and went so fast. We had a great Christmas and we feel so blessed to have such amazing family and friends. Gavin still wasn't all that into it, but he did get some things that he really liked. Logan got a lot too that I hope he will enjoy playing with in the next few months. Christopher was so adorable and wrote me two beautiful songs. That is the best gift that I got this holiday season. I hope that everyone else had a great day.

Merry Christmas to all! This is my favorite time of the year and although everyone has very little to give this year I am inspired to give more of my heart. I am baking this year and giving gifts that are more personal. I am so thankful that we have both of our boys this Christmas and I am looking forward to see how Gavin will react. Last year he was more interested in the wrapping paper so I am hopeing that he really gets into it this year. We are also very thankful that Chris is home to celebrate with all of us. That to me is the best gift I could get. God Bless and remember the reason for this season.

Chris got Promoted

After a lot of hard work Chris picked up E5. We are so proud of him and are so relieved.